Ok, I did it...

Against my better judgement I contacted someone from "those days" in hopes of being able to offer my sympathies to Matt for the situation he finds himself in with Clair, who, I guess, is only expected to last a few days as most.
I contacted Earl, who prefers the spelling "Errl," and tried to offer said sympathies. It was cordial for the most part, as cordial as a conversation over Instant Messenger can be anyway. The thing that bothered me though was that while I'm trying to be a 'good guy' and express my sorrow for a former friends loss, I'm faced with talk about how everyone is still mad at me and what not...beyond that, Errl seemed more concerned with me apologizing to him about my 'behaviour' in the past. I tried to convey that I am a different person now that I no longer have that anger, not since I left Jackson...his reply was something to the effect that it was good I changed because I needed the improvement.
This is why I haven't talked to any of these people.
But anyway, I allowed him to say his piece, I apologized for who knows what anymore and tried to leave it at that. But part of me now wonders if engaging in a conversation with him may re-open wounds that have long since healed.

What strikes me as most interesting was his remark about how Clair was still running me into the ground verbally very recently. Well, I really don't care. Fact is she isn't going to be able to live the rest of her life. That's kind of more important than whether or not she still held some kind of hatred for me. I let all that go a long time ago. I haven't talked to or about any of them for a long time. I know I've been mentioned rather rudely in Errl's Dead Journal recently but it doesn't bother me.

I just wish Matt the best and hope he does ok. I know he and all the other's hate me, that's fine, but it takes a bigger man to do what I just did and not even attempt to get to the source of the hate. I honestly don't know what happened between all of us...I have my suspicions naturally, but it's not anything worth wasting time on anymore.

Sometimes you just have to look at your life and decide what is truely important to you.

Matt was one of my best friends at one time and he's in a world of hurt right now. I overlook the recent things and remember the good times we had hanging out and I really don't like even thinking about him going through what he's going through right now.

It's something I would never wish on anyone.