Been a few days since I've been able to post anything up here...
First things first, I'm STILL happy to be home, thought I would mention that one more time, heh.
Moving on, I get to attend my first Comic Book Convention (ComiCon for you normies out there) next month and it's going to be great! Not as many folks as I'm used to but Mike Allred is going to be there and since I don't have many of my comics here in Portland (yet) I'll have to settle for a Madman sketch by him...I guess it'll do, lol. I'm trying to gather some information on who else is going to be there as I type this...I guess according to some sites I'm looking at Brian Michael Bendis and David Mack are supposed to be there, that's cool, I know David Mack is an awsome guy!
Last Thursday I had the day off, as did Mike. We had decided earlier that week that Thursday would be the day we scattered Aamber's ashes about Portland. Needless to say once I got the container out and started to head for the door I froze. I guess that means I'm not yet ready.
Instead, we took the small container out with us and explored more of Portland with her in tow.
September 24 Nine Inch Nails is playing here...I hope I can make it!
Huh, this posting is a bit random isnt it?
If you can run as fast as a horse, get on the phone and call someone.
Ok, I'm done, I hate not having internet at home, I always want to post so much here but never have the time...
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Ahhh...HOME!
Well, I've been home for just over a week now and other than the weird feeling of knowing I will never be able to see, talk or hang out with my sister Aamber in this lifetime, things are falling back into their groove.
My landlord is fully understanding in why rent will be a week late and my work is giving me as many hours as possible to help my get caught up.
Michigan is no longer home for me. I know it's probably odd to hear me say this to some people but it's true. But it's nice to have reasons to return: My family, which it was nice to see everyone again, all things considered, from Dad, Nikki, Marc, Keri and Kellie to all my aunts, uncles and cousins, not to mention Nikki's kids...but it was beyond wonderful to have been able to see and hang out with Matt and Arnie again and to meet Mikey's youngest!!
It's hard to believe that it had been some two years since we last hung out. So much had happened between us and it got out of control to the point walls were erected and all contact was cut off. I honestly missed them as they were my most valued friends for a long time. It's nice to know some good came out of a horribly sad situation though and Matt and Arnie are back in my life again!
It was also really great to see Amanda again, I missed her a lot too. We sat and had a long talk about just things in general, like old times, and it was great.
It's nice to have more to look forward to when it comes time to plan my next trip back to Michigan. Family AND friends...it's a great feeling!
My landlord is fully understanding in why rent will be a week late and my work is giving me as many hours as possible to help my get caught up.
Michigan is no longer home for me. I know it's probably odd to hear me say this to some people but it's true. But it's nice to have reasons to return: My family, which it was nice to see everyone again, all things considered, from Dad, Nikki, Marc, Keri and Kellie to all my aunts, uncles and cousins, not to mention Nikki's kids...but it was beyond wonderful to have been able to see and hang out with Matt and Arnie again and to meet Mikey's youngest!!
It's hard to believe that it had been some two years since we last hung out. So much had happened between us and it got out of control to the point walls were erected and all contact was cut off. I honestly missed them as they were my most valued friends for a long time. It's nice to know some good came out of a horribly sad situation though and Matt and Arnie are back in my life again!
It was also really great to see Amanda again, I missed her a lot too. We sat and had a long talk about just things in general, like old times, and it was great.
It's nice to have more to look forward to when it comes time to plan my next trip back to Michigan. Family AND friends...it's a great feeling!
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
48 Hours
In less than 48 hours I return home.
Today, my sister Kellie and I went through Aamber's skull collection, sorting out between the two of us who gets what. It just seemed right that she and I deal with them since we also have an affinity for skulls and things considered 'gothic.'
I'm really eager to get home and resume the new life I have begun for myself out there but there is still this cloud of gloom that hangs overhead. It's the loss my family has had to deal with and I'm honestly not sure what my mood will be like when I get home. I really haven't had a 'break down' where I cried and sobbed and whatnot since I've been here, mostly because I'm not in my 'safety zone' but also because anger has taken a more powerful role in the order of my feelings. When I get home I will be able to mourn my loss.
I've told Mike already that as much as I would like to go home and jump right back into our normal lives, I don't think it's going to happen. He understands that there will be times when I will seem like I'm in a really bad mood but it's more that I'm thinking about my sister and the fact I will never hear her voice or see her face ever again. It's a loss like i've never felt before.
It's odd having so many people around you and still feeling like you are alone on a deserted island.
I was talking to a friend of ours last night, Amanda, and she told me how she knew Aamber when her and I were dating and she liked here then, but when Matt's girlfriend Clair passed away earlier this year Aamber was around a lot more for support for Matt, during this time Amanda was able to get to know her better. She said she was worried about me much like she was about Matt. I told her I've gone through losses like this before and have already gone through the gambit of hurt, anger and wanting to die myself but it's that last part I no longer have. She was worried, I understand why but to me the thought of killing oneself because of a loss like this is silly. What better way to continue the memory of a loved one than to live life to the fullest?
Something else has helped, it's an episode fo a show called The Tick. Aamber and I watched this episode after our Grandma passed away last year and it helped get through that and it really helped get through this. The Tick says "The Grim Reaper is an ugly customer I'll grant you that, but when your time comes I say Grab it! Who knows what wonders lay at the top of Death Mountain, you may be able to shake the hands of the greatest minds in human history, or, maybe death is just Mother Nature's way of saying, 'Try again."
When Aamber and I watched that it made sense.
It still does.
Today, my sister Kellie and I went through Aamber's skull collection, sorting out between the two of us who gets what. It just seemed right that she and I deal with them since we also have an affinity for skulls and things considered 'gothic.'
I'm really eager to get home and resume the new life I have begun for myself out there but there is still this cloud of gloom that hangs overhead. It's the loss my family has had to deal with and I'm honestly not sure what my mood will be like when I get home. I really haven't had a 'break down' where I cried and sobbed and whatnot since I've been here, mostly because I'm not in my 'safety zone' but also because anger has taken a more powerful role in the order of my feelings. When I get home I will be able to mourn my loss.
I've told Mike already that as much as I would like to go home and jump right back into our normal lives, I don't think it's going to happen. He understands that there will be times when I will seem like I'm in a really bad mood but it's more that I'm thinking about my sister and the fact I will never hear her voice or see her face ever again. It's a loss like i've never felt before.
It's odd having so many people around you and still feeling like you are alone on a deserted island.
I was talking to a friend of ours last night, Amanda, and she told me how she knew Aamber when her and I were dating and she liked here then, but when Matt's girlfriend Clair passed away earlier this year Aamber was around a lot more for support for Matt, during this time Amanda was able to get to know her better. She said she was worried about me much like she was about Matt. I told her I've gone through losses like this before and have already gone through the gambit of hurt, anger and wanting to die myself but it's that last part I no longer have. She was worried, I understand why but to me the thought of killing oneself because of a loss like this is silly. What better way to continue the memory of a loved one than to live life to the fullest?
Something else has helped, it's an episode fo a show called The Tick. Aamber and I watched this episode after our Grandma passed away last year and it helped get through that and it really helped get through this. The Tick says "The Grim Reaper is an ugly customer I'll grant you that, but when your time comes I say Grab it! Who knows what wonders lay at the top of Death Mountain, you may be able to shake the hands of the greatest minds in human history, or, maybe death is just Mother Nature's way of saying, 'Try again."
When Aamber and I watched that it made sense.
It still does.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Gotta Love the Looney Left!
couple of stories here I think need to be pointed out. First one is about this mother of a fallen soldier who has been trashing our RE-elected President, using the same talking points the dems and the lefites use about the War in Iraq, stuff they try to make up and hope we arent paying attention.
This is what the mother, Cindy sheehan, said on June 24, 2004:
"'I now know he's sincere about wanting freedom for the Iraqis,' Cindy said after their meeting. 'I know he's sorry and feels some pain for our loss. And I know he's a man of faith.'"The meeting didn't last long, but in their time with Bush, Cindy spoke about Casey and asked the president to make her son's sacrifice count for something. They also spoke of their faith."The trip had one benefit that none of the Sheehans expected."For a moment, life returned to the way it was before Casey died. They laughed, joked and bickered playfully as they briefly toured Seattle.For the first time in 11 weeks, they felt whole again."'That was the gift the president gave us, the gift of happiness, of being together,' Cindy said."
OK, now, let's contrast that with what this woman is saying now, meaning now that she realizes she can get more attention from the media by trashing President Bush:
She vowed on Sunday to continue her protest until she can personally ask Bush: "Why did you kill my son?" In an interview on CNN, she claimed Bush "acted like it was party" when she met him last year."It was -- you know, there was a lot of things said. We wanted to use the time for him to know that he killed an indispensable part of our family and humanity. And we wanted him to look at the pictures of Casey."He wouldn't look at the pictures of Casey. He didn't even know Casey's name. He came in the room and the very first thing he said is, 'So who are we honoring here?' He didn't even know Casey's name. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear anything about Casey. He wouldn't even call him 'him' or 'he.' He called him 'your loved one.'Every time we tried to talk about Casey and how much we missed him, he would change the subject. And he acted like it was a party.BLITZER: Like a party? I mean...SHEEHAN: Yes, he came in very jovial, and like we should be happy that he, our son, died for his misguided policies. He didn't even pretend like somebody...
Huh, amazing how the SAME story about the SAME meeting can be completely different and still be told by the SAME person.
Cindy, the whole nation feels for your loss but you need to get your story in order. You cannot have it both ways. Your attempt to get and keep attention focused on yourself is sad and disturbing. Anyone with any sense in their head knows why we are in this war and knows there were in fact MANY reasons for going into Iraq.
Moving on...
Actors and activists, they seem to be the same thing these days. It's almost impossible to read or watch something involving politics without some pinheaded celeb wanting to voice their opinions.
Here are some remarks made at a civil rights march heald this past saturday:
"They all need to be locked up because they are all criminals and they are all thieves," said Judge Greg Mathis, the star of the syndicated television program "The Judge Mathis Show." "It is indeed criminal to steal an election and within two years run up a federal deficit of half-a-trillion dollars, send our young people over to Iraq to die for an unjust war. What they are doing is criminal," Mathis said to loud cheers.
So, here we have a TELEVISION judge educating us on matters of national security. Right, his opinion holds a LOT of water, I mean, he knows about war, afterall his shows tackles the topic daily, doesn't it?
No? They talking about punks fighting over a water gun and who broke into someones house and messed up the carpet?
Well, hell's bells, I guess that DOES qualify him!
This genius continued:
"They shot and missed when they enslaved, segregated and oppressed our people. They shot and missed when they stole the past two presidential elections. They shot and missed when they denied our right to vote," Mathis said.
WHEN, exactly, did ANY of this happen? Bush - now listen folks cause I'm only wanting to say this once and get it over at alst: BUSH WON IN 2000 AND HE WON IN 2004!!! It's not a difficult concept to understand, sheesh, MOVE ON people!!!
And who is denying anyone the right to vote? Give me ONE example of a Republican preventing ANY minority from voting...huh? I'm waiting....
You CAN'T because Mathis and those who "think" like him have NOTHING to use when it comes to debating politics, That is why they call Bush and his supporters racists.
Morons.
This is what the mother, Cindy sheehan, said on June 24, 2004:
"'I now know he's sincere about wanting freedom for the Iraqis,' Cindy said after their meeting. 'I know he's sorry and feels some pain for our loss. And I know he's a man of faith.'"The meeting didn't last long, but in their time with Bush, Cindy spoke about Casey and asked the president to make her son's sacrifice count for something. They also spoke of their faith."The trip had one benefit that none of the Sheehans expected."For a moment, life returned to the way it was before Casey died. They laughed, joked and bickered playfully as they briefly toured Seattle.For the first time in 11 weeks, they felt whole again."'That was the gift the president gave us, the gift of happiness, of being together,' Cindy said."
OK, now, let's contrast that with what this woman is saying now, meaning now that she realizes she can get more attention from the media by trashing President Bush:
She vowed on Sunday to continue her protest until she can personally ask Bush: "Why did you kill my son?" In an interview on CNN, she claimed Bush "acted like it was party" when she met him last year."It was -- you know, there was a lot of things said. We wanted to use the time for him to know that he killed an indispensable part of our family and humanity. And we wanted him to look at the pictures of Casey."He wouldn't look at the pictures of Casey. He didn't even know Casey's name. He came in the room and the very first thing he said is, 'So who are we honoring here?' He didn't even know Casey's name. He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to hear anything about Casey. He wouldn't even call him 'him' or 'he.' He called him 'your loved one.'Every time we tried to talk about Casey and how much we missed him, he would change the subject. And he acted like it was a party.BLITZER: Like a party? I mean...SHEEHAN: Yes, he came in very jovial, and like we should be happy that he, our son, died for his misguided policies. He didn't even pretend like somebody...
Huh, amazing how the SAME story about the SAME meeting can be completely different and still be told by the SAME person.
Cindy, the whole nation feels for your loss but you need to get your story in order. You cannot have it both ways. Your attempt to get and keep attention focused on yourself is sad and disturbing. Anyone with any sense in their head knows why we are in this war and knows there were in fact MANY reasons for going into Iraq.
Moving on...
Actors and activists, they seem to be the same thing these days. It's almost impossible to read or watch something involving politics without some pinheaded celeb wanting to voice their opinions.
Here are some remarks made at a civil rights march heald this past saturday:
"They all need to be locked up because they are all criminals and they are all thieves," said Judge Greg Mathis, the star of the syndicated television program "The Judge Mathis Show." "It is indeed criminal to steal an election and within two years run up a federal deficit of half-a-trillion dollars, send our young people over to Iraq to die for an unjust war. What they are doing is criminal," Mathis said to loud cheers.
So, here we have a TELEVISION judge educating us on matters of national security. Right, his opinion holds a LOT of water, I mean, he knows about war, afterall his shows tackles the topic daily, doesn't it?
No? They talking about punks fighting over a water gun and who broke into someones house and messed up the carpet?
Well, hell's bells, I guess that DOES qualify him!
This genius continued:
"They shot and missed when they enslaved, segregated and oppressed our people. They shot and missed when they stole the past two presidential elections. They shot and missed when they denied our right to vote," Mathis said.
WHEN, exactly, did ANY of this happen? Bush - now listen folks cause I'm only wanting to say this once and get it over at alst: BUSH WON IN 2000 AND HE WON IN 2004!!! It's not a difficult concept to understand, sheesh, MOVE ON people!!!
And who is denying anyone the right to vote? Give me ONE example of a Republican preventing ANY minority from voting...huh? I'm waiting....
You CAN'T because Mathis and those who "think" like him have NOTHING to use when it comes to debating politics, That is why they call Bush and his supporters racists.
Morons.
Happy Birthday?
Today, August 8, 2005, would have been the 29th birthday for my sister, Aamber.
Happy Birthday, Sis....I love you and I miss you very much...
Happy Birthday, Sis....I love you and I miss you very much...
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Jackson, MI
You know, I never really realized how much I hated being here until I had to come back. And I'm not sure if it's because of the reason for my return to this town, the fact it wasn't for a nice visit instead it was for my sister's death, or if it's because of a different situation that arose out of that one, but I've spent the last few days thinking about nothing else but going Home.
Home is Portland, Oregon.
That is where I want to be right now.
What I'm worried about is that I know Mike wants to come back here for a visit soon, but I'm not certain I want to come back anytime soon at all. If he really wants to and we have the money, I will for him. Mostly because I know he isnt at all comfortable with flying.
some good has come of this, though...
I'm talking with Matt and Arnie again. It was a really awsome feeling to have the three of us sitting next to each other again for the first time in 2 years. I'm going to miss them a lot but at least I will be able to keep in touch with them now.
Charity, Missy and Jeremy all paid their respects at Aambers Memorial and it was great to see them as well. Even Beth and Jenny showed up, I've got to get ahold of them all before I leave...
But even with all this good I'm still very much wanting to go home. I don't like being here at all, especially since I can't call Aamber up and hang out with her as I did before I moved. I don't like being the Only One in this town. I don't like these feelings inside of me right now and I think it will be best if I deal with them at home where I'm more at ease.
I -- I just want to go home.
Home is Portland, Oregon.
That is where I want to be right now.
What I'm worried about is that I know Mike wants to come back here for a visit soon, but I'm not certain I want to come back anytime soon at all. If he really wants to and we have the money, I will for him. Mostly because I know he isnt at all comfortable with flying.
some good has come of this, though...
I'm talking with Matt and Arnie again. It was a really awsome feeling to have the three of us sitting next to each other again for the first time in 2 years. I'm going to miss them a lot but at least I will be able to keep in touch with them now.
Charity, Missy and Jeremy all paid their respects at Aambers Memorial and it was great to see them as well. Even Beth and Jenny showed up, I've got to get ahold of them all before I leave...
But even with all this good I'm still very much wanting to go home. I don't like being here at all, especially since I can't call Aamber up and hang out with her as I did before I moved. I don't like being the Only One in this town. I don't like these feelings inside of me right now and I think it will be best if I deal with them at home where I'm more at ease.
I -- I just want to go home.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
You Can't Go Home Again
I'm in Jackson, Michigan...my 'hometown.' I've been here for over a week and feel like I'm stuck here for another "over a week."
I'm going to be honest, while I miss my family and friends, and it's been awsome seeing them all again...most of them...I gotta admit this town is no longer home for me. I cannot wait to be back HOME in Portland, Oregon.
Why am I in Jackson? Well, last Monday, July 25...My little sister, Aamber, passed away. She was my only full-blood sibling, basically my other half, if that makes since. All our lives it was "Skott and Aamber" or "Aamber and Skott" Now, it's just...skott. It's a difficult feeling to describe, I have all these people around me yet I feel totally alone now. It's a feeling that I may never get used to.
This is all I'm saying for now. I do have other things I wish to say and I will, but not until I'm back home and all this is settled.
I'm going to be honest, while I miss my family and friends, and it's been awsome seeing them all again...most of them...I gotta admit this town is no longer home for me. I cannot wait to be back HOME in Portland, Oregon.
Why am I in Jackson? Well, last Monday, July 25...My little sister, Aamber, passed away. She was my only full-blood sibling, basically my other half, if that makes since. All our lives it was "Skott and Aamber" or "Aamber and Skott" Now, it's just...skott. It's a difficult feeling to describe, I have all these people around me yet I feel totally alone now. It's a feeling that I may never get used to.
This is all I'm saying for now. I do have other things I wish to say and I will, but not until I'm back home and all this is settled.
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