Laugh a Little

While I'm having fun laughing at the idiots who think protecting CRIMINALS is the same as civil rights, I would also like to laugh at something that is supposed to by funny.
From the Bob And Tom Show:

"if you get your fingers cut off in wood shop, you're gonna flunk typing."- Dale Jones" If I ever get to heaven, I'm going to find the hair angel and whip his ass."- Tim Wilson on losing hair

"I don't trust a guy I can't sleep with."-Tim Wilson trying to make some sort of point but not saying it very clearly.

"You don't want your bed to have a defense."- Tom Griswold on having too many throw pillows on your bed

"My grandmother died last year. She finally lost a long battle with... a bear."- Eric Hunter

"Losing a loved one can be made a lot easier with Photoshop."- Tom Griswold on cropping people out of pictures

"Everybody finds Jesus in prison because Satan is around the corner waiting to rape you in the shower."- Geoff Brown

"This may surprise you, but I don't really care much about 'the hood.'"- Tom Griswold to Geoff Brown while talking about Rap and Hip-Hop

"Who would have guessed Barry Bonds was taking steroids. Just because they turned his batting helmet into a jacuzzi."- Bill Scheft

"What do you mean elephants can't swim? How do you think they came up with swimming trunks?"- Bob Kevoian

"I have such a fear of commitment, I don't even like to write in pen."- Michael Somerville

"We kick ass in the Congo."- Bob Kevoian after comedian Guy Torry noticed that The BOB&TOM Show is everywhere

"Girls could lower gas prices if they wanted to. They just have to start sleeping with people who ride the bus."- Chris Porter on how women rule the world

"I was the only Korean guy around growing up. My house was considered 'China Town'"- Steve Byrne

"I think a Prepper is one step below a fluffer."- John Evans on Tom's High School's nickname

"Nothing upsets Tom more than the fact that his ass is attached to his body."- Chick McGee on Tom's obsession with 'ass matter'

"If I'm ever in the hospital, I'm going to be in a bubble with an armed guard."- Tom Griswold

"Sheep are the animal equivalent of Tom Griswold. They just wander around, not paying attention to anything."- Chick McGee

"A lot of white women get nervous when a black man talks to them because they think it means they're getting fat."- Ruben Paul on the dating scene.

"If you're not paranoid, it just means that you're not well informed."- Tom Griswold

"I don't care about wax museums, I want to see a Brazilian Wax Museum."- Bob Kevoian

"The happiest day in my life was when I learned the phrase 'how much is it gonna take to make this go away.'"- Chick McGee on the ability to bribe people